Earl Kawanaga's Ninja Burger RPG Website

Additional scenerio ideas for Ninja Burger

Enter the Ninja Burger

Welcome to your brand new Ninja Burger franchise. You have a new restaurant, new equipment, new employees and a brand new market into which you must leverage yourself to wrest a valuable market share from our dishonorable competitors. To that end, we must turn to marketing. New Ninja Burger employees are directed to deliver these door hangers to as many doors as possible. For this one night, the dishonor of being seen has been conditionally lifted (you may thank the Marketing Division of Ninja Burger, Inc). Being seen is considered an advertisement that there really are ninja delivering fast food. However, this lifting of the restriction should not be seen as a free ticket to sloppy ninja work. For having been seen, the ninja must realize he has been seen and then present himself to the potential customer, offer up a Ninja Burger menu and invite the user to try our honorable delivery service. If the ninja fails to do this, he will loose honor and also be beaten about the head and shoulders by the Manager. Everyone is considered a potential customer, even guards and managers, so killing them just for having seen you is inappropriate. Unless they start shooting, you should treat them as any other potential customer.

Night of a Million Zillion Ninja Burgers

Orders are pouring in tonight and it looks like the local franchise is on it's way to a regional sales award. That is, until the heavy volume begins to threaten the "Delivered in 30 minutes or less" deadline. Something is definitely up so the Manager takes a chance in taking a select team of ninja off delivery duty to discover just what is going on. While the orders are for all over the city, it turns out (using the wonders of caller id and credit card transaction confirmation) that the orders are all coming from a small area of the city: around the Samurai Burger stores. Those dishonorable bushi are attempting to overwhelm Ninja Burger with orders so that they begin missing their deliveries, forcing employees to commit seppuku. Ingenious! The solution is, of course, simple: Kill them. Alternatively, you could steal their credit cards (being used by the Damiyo and Assistant Damiyo) and use them to rack up fraudulent charges on their corporate accounts. Leave them alive to take the fall.

When the slaughter is over, it turns out that this is a win-win situation for Ninja Burger. Not only is a Samurai Burger restaurant decimated, but they also foot the bill for all the orders, wining new Ninja Burger customers.

Pizza Wars

Finals time at the local university brings with it a tremendous opportunity for the fast food delivery businesses in the area as students stay up late at night, cramming their brains with knowledge they should have learned months ago and cramming their stomachs with cheap fast food. Prices drop as the competition for the student's dollar gets hot. But there is one franchise that has dropped their prices to unbelievably low levels; Sicilian Pizza. $2.50 + tax gets you a large cheese pizza and two liters of cola. The pizza is much like cardboard with some sauce thrown on and the cola is watered down but during finals, no one cares. It's cheap. Too cheap. A collection of local fast food restaurants (Burger Czar, Ho Lee Chow's Chinese Delivery, Otaku Bell, Mistress Donut) has come to Ninja Burger with a surprising request for assistance. This issue is undercutting everyone and, for Ninja Burger's assistance, this coalition is willing to pay in cash.

What is going on is that Sicilian Pizza is a front for The Mob and they are using the restaurant to launder money. Convince them that this is a mistake, at least insofar as it undercuts the fast food business community.

Kobolds Ate My Ninja Burger!

The demons at Oni Oni Parcel Service have hatched yet another scheme to destroy Ninja Burger by letting loose an inter-dimensional invasion of Kobolds into the warehouse where Ninja Burger food stores await distribution to franchises throughout the region. These little barking monstrosities are rampaging throughout the warehouse and are bent on stealing as much food as they can to have themselves the mother of all picnics. Protect the Ninja Burger inventory and stop them.

A Fist Full of Burgers

All the delivery routes on the far side of town are split between Samurai Burger and Oatku Bell. Even the placement of honorable Ninja Burger door hangers has failed to leverage any customers. The solution is infiltration, divide and conquer. Ninja Burger employees are to disguise themselves as unemployed college students and get jobs with Samurai Burger and Otaku Bell. After gaining the confidence of the Managers, the Ninja are to set the two businesses against one another so that they end up killing each other off. Once the customer service levels drop enough through employee attrition, Ninja Burger will be able to step in and obtain those valuable customers.

The Mother of All Burgers

As British and American forces cross the Iraqi border and begin the second Gulf War (or the third, depending on your point of view), Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein sits deep in a Baghdad bunker:

Saddam Hussein: "You know what I'd like right now? A burger. And not just any burger. The Mother of All Burgers!"
Ali Hassan: "But who would deliver such a thing under these conditions?"
Tariq Aziz: "And you remember the difficulty we had ordering that Mother of All Pizzas back in 1991. It was late and cold. And that was just with traffic in the south. We've got US Navy SEALS swimming up the Tigris, for crying out loud. And it's a weekend coming up."
Saddam Hussein: "Damn those Americans! Why can't they just get over us kicking their asses in Kuwait?"
Qusay Hussein: "Hey, Dad. Let's order from Ninja Burger? I'm sure their delivery shinobi can get past the infidels. And all their food, including their all-soy patties, are guaranteed to follow Islamic dietary law."
Saddam Hussein: "That is an excelent idea. Burgers all around. But, if I am to have the Mother of All Burgers, I must have a double. No, make it a tripple! And French Fries."
Ali Hassan: "The Americans don't call them 'French' fries anymore. They call them 'Freedom' fries."
Saddam Hussein: "Buwahahahahahaha! Now that's funny. That's as good as the Great Satan George Junior talking about 'strategery'."
Qusay Hussein: "Actually, the menu I downloaded off of the Internet says 'Fries of our Ancestors'."
Saddam Hussein: "Yes, yes. Whatever. Just order fries. And cheese! I must have the power of cheese on my burger! Make it American Cheese."
Ali Hassan: "The French aren't calling it 'American' cheese anymore. They call it 'Idiot' cheese."
Saddam Hussein: "Buwahahahahahaha! Strategery! Buwahahahahahaha! Look at me. I've got tears I'm laughing so hard. That's why I let you gas those Kurds, Ali. You always know how to make me laugh."
Tariq Aziz: "Ooooh. Can I get one of those Onion Death Blossoms?"
Qusay Hussein: "And guaranteed delivery in 30 minutes or they kill themselves."
Saddam Hussein: "Now those are my kind of extremists. Tariq, give Qusay your credit card so he can order."
Tariq Aziz: "Why do I always have to pay?"

The order is placed. The credit card has cleared. Now, the delivery must be made. You must avoid being "shocked and awed" into bacon bits by American Tomahawk cruise missiles. You must sneak by both American special forces and Republican Guardsmen into Saddam's secret bunker. Be careful not to deliver to one of Saddam's many doubles who would be more than happy to snag a free order of fries and a cola. The heat will be on!

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http://www.tasigh.org/ninja/scenerios.html -- Revised: 17 August 2002
Copyright © 2002 Kevin A. Geiselman