Dear Kordite: A Klingon Advise Column

At this human-run university I attend, I've come to have a problem: My professor gives us too much homework. I spent so much time doing it last weekend, I had no time to hunt fresh meat, which forced me to eat (eeeew) pre-killed food. My thirst for vengeance is just, but I cannot just kill him publicly, or I fear that the humans would cause complications. How do I deal with the swine in a way that would still retain my honor?

You pathetically sniveling, mealy mouthed, whiny little wimp! You claim to have honor and yet cry soppy wet tera'ngan tears over having too much homework and not enough leisure time to fill your engorged, disgustingly soft belly. Were you any sort of real warrior you would show your heart and demand even more assignments from your professor. Rise to the challenge and do three times the work of your human classmates rather than crawling and grazing on molds and excrement like a lethargic ooze-covered slug. A warrior's greatest weapon is his mind but yours is embarrassingly underdeveloped and languidly hedonistic, controlled by your obscenely bloated stomach. You should remove it yourself and save the rest of us the trouble.

http://www.tasigh.org/kordite/advice06.html -- Revised: 18 May 2002 Copyright © 1995, 2002 Kevin A. Geiselman