Dear Kordite: A Klingon Advise Column

Hi. I have a complicated situation, I really hope that you can help. Ok, I am now roommates with my son's father. We sleep in separate rooms and don't have sex. I date, he doesn't. The thing is, I'm not working right now so I'm not helping out money wise. But I am doing all the housework. He does take out trash, but I feel that I shouldn't clean the bathroom when I'm not missing the toilet. It stinks. Please help me figure how to tell him to clean his mess, although our son misses the toilet, too. . .

A popular Terran author puts forth the theorem that "men are from Mars and women are from Venus." Humans are all actually from Earth, but in the most figurative sense the phrase does point out that there are fundamental differences between human males and females. And, rather than looking to some psycho-babble semi-astrological fiction, one need only look at history and evolution.

Humans, for millions of years, have been hunter-gatherers. Specifically, the males have been hunters and the females have been gatherers. And a mere three-thousand years of so-called "civilization" have been unable to change the many millions of years of evolutionary programming. One need only watch shoppers to see this.

When a woman shops, she takes her time and considers different prices and qualities, looking for the best deal. When a man shops, he has a specific target in mind. He moves quickly, stalking the isles looking only for what he wants. The only deviation being "targets of opportunity" such as the impulse buy of the quart of chocolate milk or bag of chips.

Poor bathroom etiquette is merely an extension of this hunter mentality. A clean bathroom does not satisfy the hunting instinct and so is irrelevant.

You cannot fight evolutionary pre-programming so you might as well get used to it. We Klingons, of course, are all hunters, regardless of gender so we have slaves to attend to our bathrooms.

If you don't want to be a slave to your gatherer hygienic sense, I suggest cleaning the bathroom with a high-pressure water hose. Trust me, the guys won't care and may even find it mildly entertaining. This entertainment value may be you key to having them hose down the bathroom once in awhile.

http://www.tasigh.org/kordite/advice17.html -- Revised: 18 May 2002 Copyright © 2001, 2002 Kevin A. Geiselman