Dear Kordite: A Klingon Advise Column

I remember reading once that Klingons have an extra of all vital organs. Does this mean they have two penises.

Don't you wish.

No, Klingons do not have two penises. The system redundancy manifests itself as a second pair of testicles. However, if it's any consolation, the Klingon penis is as ridged and hard as the Klingon forehead. The forehead may just be evolution's way of advertising; "ribbed for her pleasure."

Etymologically, the Klingon verb 'to mate;' ngagh, is very similar to the word for 'rock or stone;' nagh, the one being very much like the other.

This armored phallus is backed up by a warrior's endurance and lust for conquest. It has to be, for the female's genitalia are similarly armored. It takes a substantial amount of violence to stimulate a female Klingon's clitoris, hidden as it is behind subcutaneous plates and powerful muscles. Consequently, bruises, lacerations, rug burn and extensive property damage are common side-effects of Klingon mating.

Warning! Such a coupling should not be undertaken by a non-Klingon without having one's insurance paid up, a black-belt in karate and a trained team of paramedics standing by. Don't be surprised if your romantic dalliance lands you in a body cast.

Remember what curiosity did to the Caitian.

http://www.tasigh.org/kordite/advice11.html -- Revised: 18 May 2002 Copyright © 1996, 2002 Kevin A. Geiselman